Maybe...

Hay naku, somehow, destiny/fate has its on way to return a favor... i did something wrong kanina... and she was mad/disappointed... and i just cant bear the feeling.... super heavy... and maybe thats the reason why she cried that night, maybe i also felt it a while ago, when everything, is like falling apart and your heart is being crushed... everything inside me is crying... of course, it can't be noticed, kasi sa loob ko nga eh... ang pinakamahirap na siguro para sa akin na madama, eh ang magalit/disappoint dahil sa akin (whatever you call it)... but i wont deny the fact that i have done wrong... and im really sorry...

But, as we all know, He loves to play tricks on us, to test us, to make us, think.... and of course, thats what He wants me to do, to think of everything before, proceeding... and theres just one phrase that popped on my mind...

"Paano ka natitiis ni HannaH?"


Well, hindi lang naman isa nagsasabi niyan, siguro, almost everyone... and napaisip din ako... paano nga ba?... and isa lang naisip ko...

Maybe... hindi yung "real" Me yung napapakita ko sa kanya... Im not saying, nagiging plastic ako or anything, siguro lang, yun yung 'controlled' ko lang na sarili, the not-so-real Me... well, so far, i have 2 'real' me... i dont know, if someone have noticed it, but as far as im concern, isang tao pa lang siguro lumabas both yun... she may not know it... but i have shown the two real sides of me.... so.....

The first Real Me... and as you all know, this is the "jolly" side of me... the uber kulet... maybe thru time... nadevelop na din siguro siya, and become the half of me.... eto yun happy-go-lucky masyado, na minsan lang makitaan ng kalungkutan... and siguro, eto na din yung side ko na malambing na not so obvious... maybe yung ibang tao, feeling balat-kayo ko toh, pero actually, i realized that this have become a part of me na din talaga..
actually, napakita ko na itong side ko sa kanya, numerous of times na talaga, kaso, eto din yung times na, for her, im "annoying"... yun nga lang, minsan yun din yung times na naglalambing ako, and nakakalungkot, kasi nga, naglalambing lang ako, pero nakakairita para sa kanya...
and of course, my tendency is... to lessen, yung kung baga, para sa tamang timpla lang niya... and thats not me... kaya siguro, yun yung sagot sa tanong nila, 'kung paano ako natitiis niya'... i adjust myself... im not that insensitive...

The other Real Me... this is, the not so obvious side of me... the 'emo' me... yung tahimik... yung... talagang tahimik, na hindi mo makakausap... yung iba, siguro, feeling nila, badtrip lang ako kung bakit ako tahimik, pero minsan ko lang talaga mapakita toh... actually, ganito kasi ako sa pamilya ko, tanong mo pa sa nanay, tatay o sa kapatid ko... 'si kuya, tahimik yan..' minsan nga... nagugulat pa kapatid ko, pag nagsasalita ako sa pamilya ko, kasi bihira talaga... and minsan ko lang siya napapakita sa school, since nasanay tao sa akin na madaldal, di pwedeng tumahimik ako, or else iisipin nila na, badtrip ako... and somehow, napakita ko sa kanya toh before, and ang reaction niya... "whats wrong?"... and sabi niya, hindi daw siya sanay, na ganun akong katahimik, bumalik na daw ako sa 'real' me... by the way... thats the real me.... and again.... i have to adjust to the Not-so-real me... again...

I know, you want to have the chance to adjust... but as i have said, naging norm na ako mag-adjust... im not saying you can't adjust, but what im saying is, if you can't adjust soon, and if that soon will really take a long time... maybe, hindi ko na talaga mapakita kung ano talagang ako, kasi masasanay ako ng laging na lang na ganito... and if this side of me yung gusto mo, then, for you, ill change... siguro tama nga sinasabi ng ibang tao, kapag nagmamahal ka, nagiging ibang tao ka... and i really dont care, whatever itll take me, just to be with you, i really dont care... ill do everything, as much as i can... as long as I can.. dont think that this is a selfish act... but yeah, maybe, its selfish... because love is selfish...

so, all in all, ang masasabi ko...
maybe hindi nga ako ang ideal guy mo...
maybe hindi talaga ako yung taong sinasabi mong gusto mo...
maybe kahit anong sabihin mo... i dont care.... (kahit wala kang sinasabi...)
kasi...
maybe may nagmamahal sayo...
maybe ako yun...


Maybe ^_^